As a football parent or carer, few sights are more terrifying than the coach walking towards you with a whistle or flag in their hand and a pleading look in their eye. And let’s be honest, uou can probably find lots of reasons not to referee your child’s football match. The level of abuse in the adult game is enough to put anyone off the idea.

But grassroots football only survives through the support of thousands of volunteers, and your team’s coach has enough on their plate without seeing parents recoil in horror as they try to get a game of football played.

At younger age groups in particular, refereeing grassroots football is fairly straightforward, and it’s a great thing to do. Not just for the buzz of knowing you’re doing a much-needed job. It’s genuinely fun to be on the pitch, see the game from the same perspective as your child, and feel like you’re part of the experience. And in the middle of winter, it’s actually nice to have a reason to run around a bit!

Here are some notes to help you get started.

What (not) to wear

There must be a social feed somewhere devoted to ‘Refs in Jeans’. One of the main differences between being comfortable on a football pitch and feeling like you’d rather be anywhere else is wearing something appropriate for the job. This doesn’t need to mean football boots and an FA-badged kit – an old pair of trainers and some comfy joggers will do the job. Although once pitches get a bit muddy, boots are definitely recommended unless you want to become the main entertainment! Ideally try to avoid wearing the colours of either team or goalie, but if that happens, there’s usually a bib you can squeeze into.

Kit yourself out

You don’t need much equipment to referee a game. A whistle and a watch is enough. Something that records the time accurately is essential, whether that’s a stopwatch round your neck or a phone in your hand. Ask the coaches how long is being played – at U7 and U8 it’s usually four periods between 10 & 20 minutes each – and set a timer or stopwatch at the start of each period.

Keep the clock running if the ball goes out, otherwise the game will go on forever. But if there’s a long pause for substitutions, shoelace tying (there will be a lot of shoelace tying!) or chasing a dog off the pitch, it’s worth stopping the clock. Just remember to start it again. As a last resort, ask one of the coaches to keep track of time and give you a shout at the end of each period.

Play to the whistle

At younger age groups, you can just about get away without a whistle, but having one will make life much easier. There will probably be a lot of adults shouting (more on that later), so expecting the players to hear your voice is unrealistic. Blowing a whistle is the best way to cut through the noise and control a game, so don’t be afraid to use it.

You might feel a bit self-conscious at first – most new referees tend to be a bit quiet – but stopping the game quickly is important from a safety point of view. Younger children are generally honest and have a strong sense of fair play (which may evolve over time!), but they often won’t know or care if a ball has gone out of play, so a quick ‘pip’ on the whistle is the best way to pause and reset. If they don’t hear it, then a longer ‘peep’ might be needed. And at full-time, it’s ‘pip-pip-peeeeeep’ with the biggest flourish you can manage.

Let it flow

Although the whistle is your friend, try to let the game flow. Young players are learning the rules, so some of their football might seem a bit boisterous. The occasional handball is more than likely, and not worth stopping the game for. If there’s something more obvious, blow the whistle, explain what’s happened and award a free kick, or a penalty if it’s in the area – embrace the drama!

Be confident about your decisions, but accept it’s easy to miss something in a fast-paced game. If you’ve given a throw-in one way, but it’s obvious from everyone’s reaction that you got it wrong, admit your mistake, reverse the decision and move on. It’s not the Premier League, and people will respect you more for it.

Support every player

Young players will make lots of mistakes. Your role as a referee is to help both teams to learn. For example, from the 2024/25 season, deliberate heading of the ball isn't allowed in U7, U8 and U9 mini-football. But if a player instinctively heads the ball, don't make a big deal of it. Just stop the game, explain we don't do that any more and give an indirect free kick to the opposition team.

To help reinforce the 'no heading' rule and keep the ball on the ground, throw-ins have been replaced by a pass or dribble-in from the touchline. Again, if a player picks the ball up to throw it, brandishing a yellow card for handball would be a bit over the top. Just remind them they can now either pass or dribble in, and move the other players back five yards.

If a young player from either side is playing dangerously or making continuous fouls, award the free kick as required, but be careful about speaking to them directly. However well-intentioned, getting ‘told off’ by a stranger in public can be humiliating for a child. Instead, have a quiet word with the coach, suggest they get substituted for a few minutes to cool down and let them have the chat.

This is the best approach for all players, but it’s particularly important for children with special educational needs or neurodiversity. Avoid confrontation on the pitch and speak to the coach, to find out the best way of talking to the player.

Deal with coaches and parents

One of the biggest challenges in mini-football can be the behaviour of coaches and parents. Most children will forget winning or losing a game within ten minutes of the final whistle, when thoughts turn to what’s for lunch. But winning football matches at any level seems to matter a lot to some adults.

There should be an FA Respect barrier in place at the game, so make sure any parents, carers and other supporters stand behind it. If they’re lingering on the other side of the pitch with the players, or standing behind the goal, politely but firmly ask them to watch the game from behind the barrier. If any parents are being difficult, have a word with the coach, as it’s their responsibility to manage their behaviour.

Lots of coaches (and plenty of parents) will try to ‘joystick’ their players with constant instructions. While this is bad practice, it’s not really your responsibility to get involved unless you can see it’s having an obvious effect on the players.

Of course, any abuse of players, coaches, supporters or you as the referee is completely unacceptable. Fortunately this is very rare at younger age groups, as most people understand the importance of setting a positive example. But if you do see or hear anything, try to make a record of what you heard and when, ask witnesses to do the same, then report it to the FA via the club after the game.

Enjoy it!

Stepping up to referee is one of the best ways you can support your child and their team. Although it can feel daunting at first, you’ll quickly warm into it and realise the referee’s role at this level is to let the game flow, help the players learn and contribute to a positive matchday experience. Next time, hopefully you’ll feel confident to take the whistle rather than hide behind a tree. Good luck!

Basic laws and rules for small-sided games

5v5 and 7v7 matches (between ages U7–U10) follow the usual laws of football, but have a few special rules which help players to learn the game in a safe environment:

• The game should be played with a size 3 ball, which is well-inflated but not too hard
• To decide who kicks off first, toss a coin or let two players do ‘rock, paper, scissors’
• Check each team has the right number of players on the pitch before starting the match
• Make sure opposition players are at least 5 yards away from the ball at kick-off
• If the whole ball goes over the touchline, award a pass or dribble-in against the team who kicked it out, and move everyone back five yards from the ball
• If the ball goes out for a goal kick, the goalkeeper takes it from anywhere inside their penalty area
• The defending team must retreat to the halfway line until the goal kick is taken, to encourage the team in possession to build play from the back
• The defending team DON’T have to retreat when the ball is in the goalkeeper’s hands
• If a player deliberately heads the ball in an U7–U9 game, award an indirect free kick to the opposition – if it's in the penalty area, the free kick is taken from the side of the penalty area, level with where the ball was headed
• ‘Rolling’ substitutions are allowed at any time in the game, as long as the coach has asked your permission and you’ve allowed it
• There are no offsides until U11 (9v9), so no need to worry about VAR!

Find out more

Here are a couple of useful links, including more detailed laws and rules:

⚽ FA guide to mini-soccer (England Football)
⚽ Hampshire FA guide to officiating youth football (PDF)
⚽ FA referee course (Sussex County FA)